Book Title: Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me
Author: Family & Friends of Chelsea Handler
Original Publication Date: 2011
Edition Read: 1st Edition, Grand Central Publishing
Total Pages: 292
Reason Read: Received as a gift from my hubby, needed something easy to read in spurts
Rating: 3 out of 5 Stars
“Rose put in a CD, then ceremoniously stood and announced to me, Chelsea, and the other two bridesmaids…that she was going to perform an acoustic version of Shania Twain’s “From This Moment On” at her [wedding] reception…
“One night, after another of Rose’s mandated dress rehearsals…Chelsea popped in.
“‘We have a situation,’ she said…’You know how she [Rose] can’t hit the high notes – or any other notes, for that matter? Well, she doesn’t want to embarrass herself, so she wants someone to perform with her…We took a vote and you have the best singing voice, so you have to step up,’ Chelsea explained.
“…’As soon as she starts the song, you’re supposed to enter from the hallway,’ Chelsea instructed. ‘She wants you to really belt it out, especially the high notes. Don’t worry, you’re going to be great,’ she said as she slapped a CD into my hand. ‘Now, you’d better get rehearsing. You don’t want to screw up her day.’
“…By the time the reception was in full swing and the moment of the performance was upon me, I felt prepared. I’d spent every spare moment learning the lyrics and making sure I’d gotten the melody right. Chelsea had even taken me to a karaoke bar to practice, so I felt confident I was going to be an asset to the team – until Rose began singing and I walked out onto the floor behind her, belting out the song. I couldn’t tell which one of us sounded like a dying hyena, but I was starting to suspect it was me.
“That’s when I saw Chelsea [and the other bridesmaids] lose their shit. They separated from each other and split off into opposite corners of the room. I locked eyes on Chelsea, who was beet red and laughing so hard she was shaking the ficus she was attempting to use as cover. Was this a setup? Was I even supposed to be out there? I got my answer when Rose turned to me with a confused, deer-in-the-headlights look…”– Pages 35-36 from Stephanie Stehling’s “Pap Smears & Punctuation Marks” Chapter #2
Chelsea Handler, star of E!’s Chelsea Lately, has found a genius way to make more money pretty easily. Instead of writing another humorous book of essays about her life she tasked friends and family with writing them for her. The trade-off is that she is referred to very colorfully and in embarrassing ways. However, Chelsea always gets the last word at the end of each essay. And, since the essays are about the practical jokes she has pulled on each person, in the end the writer looks like the dumb one, not Chelsea. Brilliant.
I have been a fan of Chelsea’s show since it first appeared on cable TV. In recent years I have gotten away from regular viewings, so when I need a dose of twisted, raunchy, mean-girlish behavior I pick up one of her books to read instead. My husband keeps giving them to me as gifts – I think more so that he can read them himself without any stigma attached.
I enjoyed this collection better than those I have read penned entirely by herself. I liked the variety of voices and personalities. The theme was the same with each one – “here are the stupid ass things Chelsea told me just to see if I was dumb enough to fall for it – and I was.” Some of them are pretty damn funny. Others seem moronic. Very few are truly mean. Though I must say, I don’t think I want Chelsea to like me any time soon because I don’t want to be subjected to any of the pranks she pulls on those she holds most dear.
As in her own books, here you will find non-stop tales of sex, lewd public displays, drinking, drugs and obnoxious and immature behavior. This all makes me laugh. And shake my head. And then laugh some more. I believe everyone has a juvenile side and it needs to be let out for pleasure every now and then.
Once you embrace what you are in for, you should enjoy the ride. It worked well with my current limited time for reading – easy to pick up and put down, mindless and funny.